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Kylethor, formerly Denethor's Journal
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kylethor, formerly Denethor's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
8:59 pm
...

...

!!!!

!!!!!

*starts looking into hitmen to take out Peter Jackson*
Sunday, September 14th, 2003
10:21 pm
Oh dear...
First Erkenbrand, now otherDen and Saruman.

There's a pattern to these murders...I know it...but what could it be?

Current Mood: pensive
Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
12:36 pm
Extended TT clip/bit/spoiler thing
From the preview on the TT DVD...

Boromir: "He (Faramir) loves you father."
Denethor: "Do not trouble me with Faramir. I know his uses and they are few."

*happy sigh*

Ah, that brings back such memories. John Noble, though I have been much in doubt of you for two years, I now humbly pass the child-abuse baton on to you. Do not let anyone sway you from the righteous course of insulting Faramir.

Current Mood: pleased
Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
6:14 pm
I hate you all. Did you know?
Dear Namo Boss Lord Mandos Sir,

Do you recall that gag gift, Snuffer? And how you said to never lose it or let it fall into the hands of a raving psychotic? Well, the thing is


Sir, you know that letter opener, Snuffer? We had a break in and


Do you remember Snuffer? It's the funniest thing




I'm fucked. Simple as that.

FARAMIR!!! Get over here...Daddy needs to test out a new brand of lighter fluid.

Current Mood: worried
Monday, August 18th, 2003
8:42 pm
Crap
I hate when I misplace things.

I seem to have lost Snuffer.

No, that is not a small, adorable rabbit. After my experience, do you really think I'd own a rabbit?

No, Snuffer is a letter-opener, you see. But not just any letter-opener. It was a gag gift given to me after I approved my 1000th form. It is, allegedly, able to open any package with one stroke, mix the perfect martini and able to permanently end the life of anyone in Middle Earth.

It was right under the pile of "Rohan Stud" magazines.

Hmmm...

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
11:10 am
Dear Jade,

I am unexploded again. I think we should get together for coffee. Have you seen Dred about? He hasn't gotten himself trapped between the pipes under the sink again has he?

Love you,

Kyle

Current Mood: not exploded
Saturday, June 14th, 2003
2:24 am
Hmmm...full moon..
Why does it seem like that's supposed to mean something to me?

I mean, there's some...sense that...I need to keep track of-

*explodes*

Oh, yeah...ow...

Current Mood: exploded
Sunday, May 11th, 2003
12:11 am
??!?!?!?
...


I wasn't serious!!!!!

VALA
VALA
VALA
WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?
IN YOUR EYES FORSAKEN ME?
IN YOUR THOUGHTS FORSAKEN ME?
IN YOUR HEARTS FORSAKEN...ME?


*tries to hit the explode button, but it's not working*

Where is my flamethrower!?!?!?

JADE! HEADACHE PILLS STAT!

Current Mood: shocked
Friday, May 9th, 2003
11:56 pm
Well...
I unexploded to say farewell to my dear sweet Faramir II and now I seem to be stuck. Dammit. I blame my Mun.

Theodred!!!!!!!! Jade!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coffee time!!!

*puts an ad in the paper*

"Needed, two sons, one perfect, one inflammable. Must not be incestuous. Pay is substandard, love is lacking, but abuse is plentiful. Send applications to DenethorHatesYou@fuckyouall.com."

Current Mood: annoyed
Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
11:34 am
So, one year ago, I came back to haunt my sons...
And who knew where that would take me?

Ah, the welcoming post!

The time I was involved in that little take-over in Mordor.

The weddings!

Nelys and Melkor


The incredibly amusing Faramir/Issy threads:

I had to rewrite the vows.

I got some help.

The big day.

Stories of Farry I's childhood.

The Incessant Incest Fights

FASFEO!

The tried to deceive me, which of course failed.

And I think this was the only reasonable course.

The time I accidentally on purpose switched Mouth, Farry I and Sauron's kitty...


My favorite fight with Finduilas

The Whirlwind romance with Theodred

Afterglow.

Eloping.

Irmor marries us.

Adventures in Bunniness

Not happy.

Even less happy.

And yes, even less happy.


Love with Jade blossoms amidst work-a-day stress.


Torturing my own pups for my own amusement:

Froey wants to go home.

But I continue to be mean.

And there was the time I arrested that idiot Elrohir for horse-fucking, put him on trial and sent him to the chopping block. Good times, good times.

More Kid stuff

In a fit of bad karma, my mun turned me into a kid and had me embarrass myself.

It's been a crazy year. I still love hate you all.

This Puppet will now self-destruct.

Current Mood: exploded
Saturday, March 1st, 2003
5:52 pm
I have a secret
Deep in my heart, I have always loved Elanor Gamgee. Not is a dirty, sweaty, coffee-consuming sort of way. In the way that pious people love their god.

This is an example of why.

*laughs*

She's as evil as I am...and no one sees it!

Current Mood: worshipful
Wednesday, February 26th, 2003
1:53 pm
Well...gee...
This Sunday will be my first MESPT birthday and my Mun's first anniversary in this misguided and demented sojourn little adventure. Time sure does fly when you're disturbing people.

On Sunday, I think I'll link to all my favorite moments. After that, I hope to die for the last time.

But for now...let's review:

Attacked Faramir and nearly succeeded in burning both him and Minas Tirith at the same time. (Go me!)

Went to work for Sauron, let his kitten die, brought it back to life and so on.

Carried on illicit affair with Gamgee matron.

Become High Priest of Melkor.

Declared war on the Valar. Was slain by a humanized Hobbit who originated the concept of righteous revenge.

Burned in Mandos for a bit.

Went to work for Namo.

Basically ran Mandos.

Abused Faramir.

Stopped Ungoliant, saved Boromir, went back to Mandos.

Foreswore incestuous children.

Had sex with Hobbit who previously murdered me. (He said he was an adult! I swear!)

Fell in love with fellow ex-dead person, Theodred

Abused Faramir.

Became child.

Married Faramir...to Isildur.

Was assassinated.

Abused Faramir.

Abused Faramir.

Abused Faramir.

Married Theodred

Was inexplicably surrounded by puppets people that were fresher, funnier and more well-liked than me. Hated them all in turn. Mun refused to delete them.

Went to the void.

Killed Mun, came back. Mun returned to life to torment me.

Abused Faramir.

Became stone.

Became a bunny rabbit.

Became a kid, again.

Got back to adultness.

Fell in love with Jade, married her, married her to Dred and so on.

Became Queen of Rohan for no rational reason.

Had sex with Dos Rondos

Became kid yet again.

Frolicked nekkid with Halbarad.

Was allowed to become adult again, changed name to Kylethor.

Went on a pointless Quest to destroy One Remote.

Special Bonus Feature:

The Shag List

Jade
Theodred
Finduilas
Rosie Cotton
Frodo Gamgee
Isildur
Beruthial
Arwen
Melkor I
Elrond I
Elrond II
Nelys

Current Mood: old
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
3:36 pm
Mmmm
Jade's off on an adventure. That's good. She needs an excuse to swing her sword at shit to get out more.

Dred...well...Dred went into a coma as a result of drain-cleaner-deprivation.

I saw a vision of Finduilas a while back. I think that was my imagination.

My birthday is coming up. Kill me I need to claw my way into the void before it's too late figure something special to do.

*considers linking to every flame war with his name in it*

On another note, I have applied for a job at that boarding school of Saruman's. I need to get back to what I'm good at - the psychological destruction of children.

Current Mood: optimistic
Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
3:38 pm
Stop the madness
I am, for no justifiable reason, a part of the Fellowship of the Remote.

Points of importance:

Aragorn smells every bit as bad as he is reputed to.

Galadriel 6 bites you if you try to swipe any of his drugs

Issy looks fucking hot in her armor. Crotchless armor! HAHA! Only the Temptress...

I really want hold the One Remote. Just for a little bit.

Denethor, the other one, has these scary moments where he stares off into space like his brain has gone into screen-saver mode.

mmMMmmm...DoritoFrog.

Haleth apparently can't stop humming, "Mmmmmbop" and he's incessantly demanding I sign his year book. I mean, isn't it weird? Isn't it strange?

...

Elrofuckbeth has this weird habit of stopping and say weird things like, "A red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night" and "The grass bends to the east. A sparrow was eaten by a bobcat yesterday" to nobody at all.

I think he's trying to be impressive. I just smile and nod blankly.

If Saruman doesn't stop complaining about his corns, his arthritic hip, his trick knee and his gout...I swear, I'll beat his ass.

Dammit. Must have remote.

Current Mood: Fellowshippy
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
11:30 am
uyyyhhhh
*sneezes*

*coughs*

I am officially too sick to get out of bed.

Ugh. I feel horrible. The only good thing is that the bed is now all dried out, thanks to Issy.

*curls up, is miserable*

Current Mood: sick
Monday, January 27th, 2003
9:37 am
Once again, I am an adult.
Anyone trying to find a pattern in this, give up now. My Mun is insane and possessed of a sick sense of humor.

So, let's review what I've accomplished:

1) Tormented poor Dos Rondos by getting into all of their porn stashes, asking them embarrassing questions and eating most of their cookies.

2) Somehow convinced Halbarad to go streaking (sorta) in the rain.

3) Went running naked through the rainy highways and byways of Imladris.

4) Came down with flu from said activities.

6) Turned back into the sexy bitch adult that I really am.

7)Changed name to Kylethor, apparently

8) Returned to Rohan.

Now, I've not lived in the Mark for long, I'll grant, but is Edoras really supposed to be under water?

O.O

*sneeze*

I don't fucking need this right now. Ah! I see Jade has gotten the populace on the rooftops. This is good. Lots of livestock swimming about, okay, that's not good.

Oh, look, Dunharrow is a lake. I'm sure the farmers there are happy about that; it will be their first experience with indoor plumbing. Or, ah, everywhere plumbing...

Helm's Deep is now, well, Helm's platform. I hope Ancalagon isn't too unhappy about that.

*looks up at sky*

Rain and lowlands don't mix. Ah...hmmm... Whoah! Was that an Ark? that just went by?

Um...lessee...who do you call about this sort of thing...?

Oh, yes...

ISSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: wet
Friday, January 24th, 2003
1:30 pm
Rivendell...or Imladris, I guess, is a weird sort of place
There's kinds of magazines and comic books lying around full of nekkid folks. Some of the people in them seem to be wrestling.

There's a bunch of crumpled letters in this one wastebasket, all addressed to someone named Saruman ans saying weird things like, "I miss you and the dildo attachment of your staff" and "You are the remote control of my heart."

Freaky.

There's also an unconscious Argentinean elf flopped on a sofa who's got a shaved head He looks so funny!

I drew spiders on him with a black marker.

Oh, and I heard something about someone running around with my name I dunno why, but I feel kind weird about it. Like I should set him on fire or something.

ANYway, it's raining outside (still) and I'm gonna go streaking through it.

*strips/streaks through house towards the great outdoors*

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
11:45 am
A funny thing happened on the way out of Imladris...
*sneezes*

'm so COLD!!!

*shiver*

I don' know where I am or what I'm doin' here. It can't be M-M-Minas Trith, though. Doesn't s-s-smell b-b-bad en-nough.

Where's my D-daddy??

*cries/shivers*

Hmm...there's a house back th-th-that w-way!

*sopping child Denethor arrives on Elrond's doorstep*

Current Mood: cold
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
10:41 am
So...
She has yet to respond to my
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] http://www.livejournal.com/users/alcawyn/">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<A HREF="http://www.livejournal.com/users/theoredes/">She</A> has yet to respond to my <A HREF="http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=papa_denethor&itemid=47815>offer.</A> And my <A HREF="http://www.livejournal.com/users/alcawyn/">granddaughter</A> is being quite unreasonable. As if I would actually send someone of my blood to be eaten or molested by a dragon. <strike>when Faramir would do for either.</strike> I am appalled she would even think such a thing. Ancalagon wouldn't even keep her locked up. How lucky can you be? Have a giant, fire-breathing dragon as your benefactor, able to leave pretty much as you will?

Feh. Kids these days.

My beloved Dred is <strike>still in rehab, poor thing</strike> off negotiating with the, uh, people who live in the, ah, place near the...um...thing.

Jade seems to be having fun. She's in the practice yard, testing the latest batch of recruits <strike>that are part of Rohan's military build-up</strike> with her sword. I don't think I've ever seen so many burly Rohirrim flattened so fast. From the look on their faces, I'm thinking neither have they.

...

Maybe I should go back to Imladris. I think I, ah, forgot my wallet there. Or something.


Current Mood: bored
Saturday, January 18th, 2003
8:08 pm
So, I've been the middle of a sandwich, you can all just deal
Now that I've got my clothes back from Dos Rondos had some time to review matters, I feel it time to make a few things clear.

I am the motherfucking Queen of Rohan and anyone who has a complaint about that can meet my executionor on the block. Fuckers.

Felarof, you are a horse. An old, revered, but until recently dead horse. Your authority in Rohan amounts to the ability to command oats to be digested.

As our symbol, you are FIRED Why? Because when enemies come you can maybe kick them. Or fart on them

A dragon can fucking eat them

So...

I need to, er, speak with you and possibly you.

Now, I am going to go and, er, speak with Dos Rondos about a, ah, thing...

Ancalgon, you are our new symbol.

Current Mood: bitchy
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